The Wizard Wore Heels
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Third in my "Happily Ever After" series. Follows "God Save the Queen" and "Finding the Fairytale". Being the wizard wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Somehow, those fairytales had gotten everything wrong!


**Another in the continuation of my "Happily Ever After" Series. Other stories include, "God Save the Queen" and "Finding the Fairytale". Stay tuned for the Morgan/Garcia story "Where Even the Goblins Fear Go".**

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**The Wizard Wore Heels**

It was official. She'd been watching way too many movies with her son.

That had to be it. Otherwise, she wouldn't be seeing the correlation between her current situation and The Wizard of Oz.

One thing was certain though...she wanted off this frickin' yellow brick road.

Dorothy, at least, had possessed loyal friends...friends that had gone to the ends of the earth for her...or at least as far as to the freaking Wizard's door!

But that was the movies. Not to be replayed in real life. Nope, no hope at all for her. Since the second she'd received a phone call this morning about the fracas currently going on inside Penelope Garcia's personal castle, she'd been frantically searching for assistance in mediating this particular dispute.

Rolling her eyes, she sighed as she realized that Reid's Tin Man response had been exactly what she should have expected.

"JJ," Reid had said, shaking his head vigorously as he pushed his hair back, "that sounds like an incredibly emotional discussion going on down there," he'd said, wincing as he'd looked down the hallway toward Garcia's lair as a distant crash echoed. "You know I don't DO those. I'm not equipped!"

"Yeah," JJ had grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. "I forgot your model didn't come with all the required sensitivity chips," she'd mumbled just as she had spotted Agent Seaver. Ah…fresh blood.

Not that that conversation had gone any better. Freaking scarecrows with straw for brains.

"Agent Seaver," she'd said, straightening her shoulders while approaching the youngest, newest agent's desk. "Special assignment," JJ had announced with a smile that didn't quite reach her narrowed eyes.

"Ma'-," Ashley had gulped, watching as her boss's lips tightened. "I mean, JJ...?" she'd corrected hopefully, hoping her internal cringe wasn't reflected on her face.

"Better...you're getting quicker," JJ had complimented as she shrugged tiredly, making a face as Garcia's angry shouts once again wafted down the Bureau corridor. "At any rate, I need your help. We need to go mediate peace in Penelope's office."

"P-pardon?" Ashley had all but yelped. "I don't think that's necessary, ma...JJ," she'd shaken her head. "After all, you're the boss. You could just open the door and issue an order, right?"

Nope, no brain at all, JJ had thought darkly. Maybe not even straw, she'd surmised, cocking her head as she'd looked at the pretty blonde. Just air, JJ mentally sighed. Dorothy certainly hadn't had to fight this hard to find a sidekick. Hell, those freaking characters had just been jumping right in her path, hadn't they?

This version of Oz seriously sucked.

"Agent Seaver, have you ever seen Penelope OR Agent Morgan follow an order blindly?"

"Well..." Ashley had winced, wrinkling her nose as she glanced sideways.

"Exactly," JJ had muttered as she'd heard a familiar voice say, "JJ, is there a problem?"

Why was it that people always asked questions that they really didn't want answered?

"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to, Hotch," JJ had ground out as she turned on her heel, facing the Unit Chief. Her frown lessened as she realized that perhaps she had finally found the ally she had been searching for. Pasting a wide grin on her lips, she added quickly, "But maybe you're just the man to help me find the answers we need."

"I'm always available, JJ," Hotch had replied solemnly, taking a step closer. "What seems to be the issue?"

Perhaps he wasn't the best choice after all. Either that, or his hearing really wasn't up to par again. JJ narrowed her eyes as she asked, incredulously, "You can't hear them?" Waving her hand down the hallway, she turned toward the door as she said, "Let's go. I need backup. Garcia's about to eat Morgan for lunch again."

But apparently her backup had already starting backing up…in the other direction. "JJ, if I've learned anything over the past years," Aaron Hotchner said as he remained rooted by the desk in the bullpen, "It's that one doesn't step into that particular lion's den without a whip and a chair."

"You're the freaking Unit Chief," she'd said incredulously.

"And you're the SECTION Chief," Hotch had replied, obviously relieved by that recent turn of events. "I'm outranked. Besides, if this was a disagreement over a case, I'd be the first one through the door. But, that," he had stated evenly with a nod toward the sound of raised voices, "is very much a personal dispute."

"Coward," she'd snarled as he'd turned toward the staircase leading to his office.

"Balk, balk," Hotch had clucked dutifully, his footsteps never faltering as he'd ascended the metal staircase…in the opposite direction.

Which brought her to her current predicament. She mentally groaned as she made her way closer and closer to the office containing two of her friends...her very, very irate friends. Hearing the elevator ding at the end of the hallway just as she was about to round the corner, her eyes dilated with excitement as David Rossi stepped off the elevator, doing a double take as the sound of shattering glass emanated from Garcia's office.

"What the hell?" Dave yelped, jerking as the sound startled him, his gaze meeting JJ's as she hurried in his direction.

Grabbing his arm as she skidded to a halt beside him, she growled, "You're with me!"

"Huh?" Dave grunted as her nails buried in his arm and she began tugging him toward sounds of rage he recognized well from all his marriages. "Nuh uh," he shook his head vigorously, digging in his heels. "Are you nuts?" he whispered violently, reaching out to grab her arm with his free hand. "It sounds like Garcia's temper has reached Def-Con One, Jen! What the hell did Morgan do?"

"Don't know," JJ groaned as she shrugged. "Doesn't matter either. I've already talked to the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion. They bailed on me," she informed him with a scathing look over her shoulder where Reid and Ashley stood at the end of the hallway, suddenly trying to look as though they'd lost their way. "Looks like I need the Wizard after all and today, you're it!" she hissed, glancing over her shoulder as an indistinct bellow from Morgan thundered through the closed door.

"The hell you say!" Dave shook his head, trying to extract his arm from JJ's death grip. "You didn't get the memo? The Wizard wears heels now." Peering downward, he eyed her slender black heels, "Louboutin?"

"Knock-off," JJ bit out. Inhaling deeply, she began to do what she was quickly learning was a valuable skill when dealing with this man. Threaten. "Dave, I swear to God if you don't get your ass in gear I'll find a house to drop on your head! In the form of an exit interview with Strauss! Then, I'll pair you with Reid for the upcoming round of cadet seminars. Then, I'll..."

"I get the point, Bella." Dave grimaced as he felt the full heat of her glare. "You'll make my life a living hell, etc, etc..."

"I knew you were an intelligent man," JJ smiled sweetly, willing to let the careless endearment pass if it meant he'd get his well toned butt moving as she eased her grip on his forearm. "Just remember, you're the one that got me into this. If you hadn't, you'd be walking in that room alone," JJ reasoned ever so smartly.

"No, I wouldn't," Rossi denied quickly, shaking his head, "But I'd throw the victim of this particular brawl a very tasteful wake," he grumbled, looking warily at the door over her shoulder. "The survivor could help me plan it," he added graciously, wondering how fast she could run if he chose to make a mad dash for it now.

But he had a feeling that those heels would outdistance him before he even reached the elevator.

Feeling her hand tighten around his forearm, he wondered how he'd been drafted to ride shotgun on this trip.

Where was the Yellow Brick Road when he needed it?

**Finis**


End file.
